Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4)

I want to speak specifically to the fathers in our congregation. I write this not just as an encouragement to you, but as a reminder to myself—something I need to return to often. God has entrusted me with twelve wonderfully unique and, at times, challenging gifts, and I need to be reminded of the stewardship and responsibility He’s placed on me as their father.

Ephesians 6 begins with instructions to children: obey and honor your parents so that it may go well with you. Paul makes both parents the object of that obedience and honor. But then he shifts his focus directly to fathers—and that’s what I want us to consider.

He writes: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Before we unpack these specific commands, let’s ask: Why does Paul single out fathers for this role?

Throughout scripture, we see that the Lord has given husbands and fathers the responsibility to lead their households. This is rooted in the creation order—Adam is held responsible for sin in the garden, even though Eve ate first. We see this pattern throughout Paul’s teaching, especially in Ephesians 5, where the husband is called to be the head of the family as Christ is the head of the Church. This is a sacred and weighty responsibility.

It is also countercultural—and often counter to our own natural inclinations. Many of us pour our best energy into sports, hobbies, careers, or entertainment, and offer our families only what’s left over.

Let’s now look at the two instructions Paul gives fathers in this verse:

“Do not provoke your children to anger.”

This command follows Paul’s instruction to children to obey their parents. It’s clear that Paul placed this here intentionally, knowing that in our pursuit of honor and respect, we fathers can become harsh, impatient, or overly controlling. We can be quick to impose rules rooted more in our own comfort than in biblical wisdom.

We must ask: Are my expectations for my children consistent and fair? Are you more warm and accommodating to some of your children while exorbitantly harsh and overbearing with others? Do you discipline one child more harshly than another? Do you show favoritism? Do you speak with sarcasm, mocking, or belittlement? Do you engage in verbal arguments instead of loving correction?

Oftentimes, men find themselves engaging this way in the name of honor and respect, but they are devoid of love and the fruit of the spirit. Do your children see a man who points them to the character of Christ by the way that he corrects them and runs his home? Do your children see joy, kindness, gentleness, and self-control?

Would we prayerfully confess our weakness and humbly seek to be men who reflect Christ in our judgments and our interactions with our children? Would we strive to be a joy to be around, to be a man whose presence brings peace to your home, to be a husband whose leadership cultivates loving order? You will earn the loving respect of your children by being a man who is worthy of respect.

“But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

In Paul’s second charge, he gives us a clear contrast: rather than provoking our children, we are to raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

In an age where we’re bombarded with advice from therapists, authors, influencers, and podcasts, we can easily become overwhelmed—or worse, numb. Sometimes we retreat into hobbies or distractions instead of stepping into the difficult and glorious task of parenting.

But Paul keeps it simple. He gives two clear directives: discipline and instruction, rooted in the Lord.

This is simple—but not easy. And it certainly isn’t passive.

We believe that true life is found in Christ, and we know that God’s Word is how we come to know him. Fathers, we must be men of the Word—men who have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, men who carry the fragrance of Christ because we have spent time with him.

Out of the overflow of our love for Jesus, we pass that on to our children. The wisdom we offer them should not be borrowed from culture, but grounded in scripture.

The best gift you can give your child isn’t a perfect swing, a great education, or global travel experiences. It’s a foundation built on a love for God and his Word.

Life isn’t found in achievements or accolades—it’s found in Christ. What do our lives and our leadership show that we believe to be true?

And maybe you’re thinking, “I don’t know the Bible well enough—how can I teach my kids?”

Start where you are. Don’t make excuses. Go where true life is. Open God’s Word. Ask Him to give you a hunger for truth and a heart of humility.

One last note:

Fathers, we must also be consistent in discipline—not out of frustration or anger, but out of love. Scripture is clear:

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. (Proverbs 13:24)

This is something we must reflect on seriously. I hear from Sunday school teachers and youth leaders who share concerns about disrespect towards adults and other kids, phone addiction, emotional outbursts, and disobedience among children in our church. While these behaviors have many factors, we cannot overlook the role of loving, consistent fatherly discipline in shaping godly character. In an effort to not step around the topic, I am saying that, especially in young children, discipline has a physical element to it.

Jake said it well at a recent parenting conference when he said: “Discipline is biblical and biblical discipline is physical.” 

Fathers, we must be willing to step out of our comfort zones, have difficult conversations, and lead with biblical conviction. Let’s be a church filled with men who lovingly lead their families, not perfectly, but faithfully. Men who confess when they fall short, who pursue their children’s hearts, and who point them consistently to Jesus. May we feel both the joy and the weight of the high calling of fatherhood, and would we lead our families with strength, courage, and a love that reflects Christ!

Want to learn more about how to parent, discipline, and disciple your kids well? Jake's two-part conference on parenting is available on our Equipping Podcast: Counter-Cultural Parenting - Part 1 and Counter-Cultural Parenting - Part 2.