He who finds a wife finds a good thing
     and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)

They say behind every good man is a great woman. Well then, I suppose, behind every average pastor is an amazing wife. An amazing wife who probably often goes unthanked, doing their finest work behind the scenes.

Early in my career it got back to me that my boss had told someone that I wouldn’t have much of a ministry if it weren’t for Marcy. I laughed, not because that thought was ridiculous, but because in his attempt to be mean he didn’t realize how right he was.

Marcy, a daughter of a pastor, didn’t think she was going to be marrying a pastor. But when her boyfriend told her he was going to be quitting football to go into ministry, she had an idea of what all that meant. She worked hard to graduate early, soon after our wedding, and taught in inner-city Chicago, putting me through Bible college. And when our car broke down she took multiple forms of public transportation, including a good walk through some bad neighborhoods—pregnant—to get to her job so that I could one day have my job. A job that would take us across the country and back. From Wisconsin to Iowa to Arizona and back to Iowa, every move has been an adventure she has embraced whether it was what she wanted or not.

Early on in our marriage, she turned down opportunities in the music industry because it would have conflicted with raising kids and helping me. In a world that tells everyone to chase their dreams, rarely does someone get truly honored for sacrificing them. I have been able to pour my heart into ministry largely because of so many things that Marcy has said no to, and yes to. 

She has been free labor for every church I have served. My first job as a youth pastor involved a youth group made up of mostly girls, which meant it was mostly Marcy doing a lot of the work. I was hired at my second job because they knew Marcy, and I think they really wanted her to help out with the worship. By “help” I mean they wanted her to run it—which she did, week in and week out, for seven years. On August 6, 2010, Marcy gave birth to our youngest daughter, Rudy. It was a Friday. She led worship that Sunday. In my third job I was finally able to bless her with a swimming pool and some palm trees in our backyard, which I quickly took from her with my fourth job, back in Iowa, at Veritas in Iowa City. Come to think of it, I got that job because Mark and Leatha Arant knew Marcy. She willingly said goodbye to her swimming pool and moved back to Iowa, in January, to a ministry that didn’t have anything for kids past second grade, to which she happily started a third- through fifth-grade class. I even remember lying in bed early one night on the phone dealing with a janitor that needed to be let go. Upon hanging up the phone, Marcy, half asleep, just said, “I’ll do it.” And so she did—she took care of cleaning the whole building until we could find a replacement. 

Marcy has been a big part of the writing of almost every original song we sing at Veritas. And in a large church, no one really knows any of that. In fact a lot of people don’t even know she is my wife. I was reminded of that when a well-meaning lady was ready to report me for harassing women, because on one Sunday that Marcy was singing on the worship team and everyone’s heads were supposed to be bowed with their eyes closed in prayer, she saw me slap Marcy on the bottom as I came up on stage to preach. She had no idea we were married. 

I still laugh thinking about my old boss’s comments. “Jake wouldn’t have much of a ministry if it weren’t for Marcy.” He doesn’t know the half of it. So many great insights from messages that get attributed to me come from Marcy during one of our long walks, as she listens to me mind-dump my confusion, to which she seems to so easily bring clarity. So many timely words of encouragement, pieces of wisdom, and helpful thoughts in the midst of frustration. It is not good for man to be alone. What God knew, and Adam came to know, I have come to know. And I am so grateful.

This May I am celebrating 25 years of marriage with the girl I met in fifth grade. And I want to testify to the truth of Proverbs 18:22, that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and finds favor from the Lord.” A good helpmate is such a blessing, but it is not a guarantee. The Proverbs also tell us that “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” (A proverb I once quoted to Marcy in the midst of an argument. Not my finest moment.) But her patience, her forgiveness, her servant’s heart, her wisdom, her love—they have been an imperishable beauty. And now, as grandparents together, I notice she has a closet full of virtues with which she adorns herself. 

But perhaps the most overlooked contribution has been her keeping of our home. You can buy a house, but you need a homemaker to make a home. A place where you want to be. A place where others want to be. A place that doesn’t just house kids, but raises them. A place that doesn’t just facilitate company, but serves them in love. Ministry can be hard, but a wife that works to make sure home is not, is fuel for the pastor's fire. And my fire burns bright, largely because of the helpmate I have been given. 

My first boss was right. I wouldn’t have much of a ministry if it weren’t for Marcy.

So if you see her, tell her thank you. She’ll love that. 😂 She will be the introvert standing in the corner, likely praying for those she sees.