It seems like there is a lot of pressure these days to be awesome. You have to make something of yourself. We feel the need to achieve, or accomplish, or experience something that validates us, or makes us feel like we are getting the most out of life. Because after all, life is short. Or is it? At least this life is short, and we are all trying to have the best possible experience of it. So this pressure sends us climbing career ladders and creating bucket lists, but what if there is a better path to meaning and fulfillment? A simple one that often gets overlooked, but also a very achievable one for all.
Our society overvalues success and experiences, and undervalues relationships and community. It is a byproduct of the extreme individualism that has snuck its way into the driver's seat of our culture. Now the anthem of our day is to do whatever makes us happy, be true to ourselves, and chase our dreams. Individual pursuits rather than community belonging are the new preferred path to fulfillment and meaning.
Not too long ago, it was more common to see franchise players in the NBA. Michael Jordan was a Chicago Bull, despite his last two years with the Wizards- they clearly knew where to put up his statue, which could be an article for another time. Magic Johnson was a Laker, and Larry Bird was a Celtic. That was their team, it’s where they spent their whole career. Today, players move from team to team just trying to win a championship. It is more about personal “success” rather than a team journey. But that is not just an NBA issue, it is a reflection of the new values of our society. Relationships can easily be severed in the pursuit of personal success and experiences.
Our day is about winning, only with a twisted view of what it really means to win. Trophies, corner offices, and epic travels are prized more than living in the same place your whole life. Meeting with the same friends for breakfast every week for 40 years. Or teaching Sunday school in the same church for decades.
We’ve believed the lie that success gives greater fulfillment than belonging. We see this belief in our pursuits. We chase success and hope for community, rather than chasing community and hoping for success. We are told that achieving something big gives our life meaning, but the reality is that deep belonging provides greater meaning. Your achievements, as grand as they may be, will never be sweeter than a group of friends that have weathered decades together in the simple day-to-day.
And I’m guessing most people would probably agree with that statement; however, if that is the case, shouldn’t we make community a higher ambition than success? Prioritize it, pursue it, guard it. Turn down the great opportunity across the country to stay in long-term life-giving relationships. Say no to all the weekend tournaments that steal the consistency of worshipping alongside the same people week in and week out. Again, we pursue success and hope for community when it should be the other way around. A deeper lasting influence belongs to the youth leader more than the professional athlete. And deeper fulfillment is found more in the 30 year breakfast group than the beach house.
Consider God himself. When he took on flesh and dwelt among us to save humanity and start an unstoppable revolution he spent most of his time with just twelve other dudes. Twelve. For his three years of ministry, traveling around, those twelve were right there with him. Deep impact is more powerful than broad impact. Perhaps we are under-influential because we are over connected. We have a thousand Facebook friends but zero we confess sin with. And perhaps we are under-influential because we are under the influence of success being more important than relationships. Of big being better than small. Of fast results being valued more than the long game.
Paul challenges the Thessalonians in a similar way:
Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one (1 Thessalonians 4:9-12).
Paul is encouraging them to love one another more and more. They are already doing it well, but he is telling them that this is the pursuit to double down on. It wasn’t, “you’re doing good there so feel free to broaden your activities and interest.” No, Paul is saying stay on that, focus in there, don’t get distracted from that. He wants them to go deeper in their relationships. To make the simple life of small living with deep relationships the ambition of their life.
Is that the ambition of your life? Are you driven for “success” and experiences? Or are you driven to community. Do you want to give your kids as many experiences as you can and set them on the path towards success? Or are you actively working at helping them have deep meaningful life long relationships in a faith community that will last forever. And it is not one or the other, but it should be one before the other. So let me be another voice giving you permission to be small, but to also accept the challenge to go deep.
Instead of trying to conquer the world or chase your dreams, how about picking 12 people and invest a lifetime. Make it your ambition to be available, to connect often, and go deep. You don’t need to retire early and travel the world, as exciting as that sounds, the better life is one that is deeply connected with other brothers and sisters in Christ over the long haul, living the simple life, together, for God’s glory. And here’s the thing, it is actually the better life, and also one that is within reach for all of us.
I recommend reading Dream Small: The Secret Power of the Ordinary Christian Life by Seth Lewis to give this more thought.