Before Jesus Changed My Life

Before Jesus changed my life, I thought I was strong, self-sufficient, and could control the narrative in all aspects of my life. I was raised in a warm Christian household, where my daily walk didn’t often include Jesus. I was a child who had plans and goals early on for my life, but never had God at the center of these decisions, nor did I pray for the Lord’s guidance in any situation. I always believed that the reason good things happened was that I controlled how things played out. I didn’t consider that the good things in my life happened because the Lord already had that planned for me. Proverbs 16:9 says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” I became a nurse in 1999 and a mom for the first time in 2003. Nothing ramped up my sinful behavior, striving to control situations more than being a first-time mom. I was my child’s protector, the one who would help keep him safe, help guide his future. I never thought that the Lord knew my son before I did, and his story was already written.

How Jesus Changed My Life

I attended a bible camp in 2019 with two of my children. What I thought was a basic chaperone opportunity turned out to be a pivotal change in my life. We had a woman leader who shared a private family experience that tested her faith and trust in God. She was mature in her faith during this difficult season, but realized she was also trying to control the outcome and was not fully surrendering to God’s plan. As she told her story of the trial her family had faced, she held a pencil tightly in both hands representing her attempt to control what was going on. She stated she was angry at God and was asking a lot of “why” questions, it was until she opened her hands, fully surrendering to the Lord, was she able to find steady peace and comfort when nothing else made sense. She said she thought to herself, “what am I doing, this is God’s perfect plan happening just as he wanted, why am I spending so much time questioning what he is allowing to happen”. Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”. Surrendering doesn’t always bring clarity, but it does bring reassurance that God is with us and that HE’S in control allowing him to ease us of our burdens. Proverbs 3:5, “Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In the fall of 2020, our family was faced with our own private trial. Little did I know how much last year’s camp experience would help me through that season. Twenty-one years now of being a nurse and three children later I am standing in the emergency room where I work waiting for my son to arrive by helicopter not knowing his condition or what his future holds. The control that I always had on how well my patients were cared for and how I cared for my children was no longer mine. I became the patient’s mother; I had other nurses and physicians in control of all his treatment and ultimately telling me how he would be taken care of. It was in this uncertain time of my life that I felt the most crippling anxiety, fear and feeling of helplessness that my mind went back to that evening at camp. For the first time I realized I too was clenching my hands shut. It became very evident that I had absolutely zero control, and I never would. My only way to find peace in such a horrific situation was to put all my trust in the Lord’s plan whatever that would look like. I found myself praying with my hands open wide, surrendering everything to God. In those moments I felt all my fears and anxiety leave me followed by an immense sense of peace, I could breathe again, knowing God was sovereign, no matter the outcome, good or bad my son was going to be okay. 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you”. Trusting God and knowing he is sovereign means resting in the truth that God is in control, even when life feels out of control. My husband and I witnessed just how faithful God is. We had a specific instance where he and I felt extremely overwhelmed about how to navigate certain things. We sat together and prayed for very specific things for God to help us with. Within a minute of us saying Amen, no exaggeration, we received a text message from an individual offering to assist us with ALL that we had asked God to help us with! Jesus willingly died on the cross, taking the punishment for sin that we deserved. Three days later, Jesus rose from the dead, defeating sin and death. By trusting in Christ, we receive forgiveness, new life and eternal life. Through faith in Him I have eternal hope. Jesus is my one and only, the one I lean on above anyone else. John 3:16-For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son…” For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 2 Corinthians 5:7 – “We walk by faith and not by sight

My Life After Jesus Saved Me

Placing my faith in Jesus has allowed me to rid myself of my daily burdens, relieving me of carrying unnecessary weight. I am not in control of anything, and after my son’s situation, that was made pretty clear. As hard as it is, because I’m still a work in progress, I pray a lot more for the Lord’s guidance and to help me with every situation, big or small. I try to remember that He is walking by my side at all times, I can speak to him like a friend, it’s the closeness that God loves, it’s not distant. I draw encouragement and strength in God from Philippians 4:6-7 often, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”