Before Jesus Changed My Life
Before Jesus changed my life, I idolized myself and the approval of others. I understood very clearly that I was somehow deficient and continually failed to feel satisfied, content, or happy. Still, I thought I could just work harder and somehow reach the world's standards of success and happiness on my own. Motherhood brought my weakness and shame to the forefront. I felt I was never a good enough mom no matter how many parenting books I read, organic food I bought, working, or staying home. I was spiraling, chasing every solution the world told me would make me a good mom and a fulfilled person - health and wellness, self-help, therapy, gentle parenting, etc. I turned to so many things that completely depended on me for my own salvation. Shockingly, I let myself down every single time, and the cycle of self-loathing, exhaustion, and attempts at self-redemption continued.
How Jesus Changed My Life
My family and I started attending Veritas when we had children as a part of our attempts to “be good parents.” We attended service irregularly, but amid the pandemic began to watch services more consistently and returned to in-person services as regular attendees in January 2021. My husband Mike and I were searching for truth and stability in the chaos of the post-2020 world. Sitting under Jake’s preaching led me to start serving in Veritas Kids. Through serving, I spoke with more women and mothers who had the peace I desperately wanted to find. Ultimately, the Spirit led me to the Veritas School of Theology (VST), and through studying God’s word for the first time in my life I finally understood how broken I am. I realized it is not within my power to fix myself, but I have a Father who loves me in my wandering and pursues me in my need, and has created a path for me back to Him through his Son Jesus Christ. I had never understood God ‘The Father’ until reading Delighting in the Trinity By Michael Reeves and I finally put it all together that I am a beloved child and my Father loves me so much he sacrificed his perfect son to ransom me. By the grace of God and the work of Jesus I can be given new life, made whole, and redeemed back to my Creator. I finally understood what my soul was longing for. No amount of personal striving is ever going to bring me peace and truth, but Jesus is the truth and the giver of peace. When I commit my life to my Maker, Creator, Giver of all Life I can truly live as I am meant to. I am freely united to Him and no longer enslaved by my sin. Jesus is the bridge back to God that I could never have built on my own. He is the greatest gift of my life and deserving of all my worship and all the glory my life can offer, forever.
My Life After Jesus Saved Me
My life is different in every way now that I am a believer and disciple of Christ. I can more quickly recognize when I am leaning on my own understanding and idolizing myself. As a believer, I turn to God in prayer and to the Word for the Truth instead of looking inward to my selfish desires or outward to ever-changing cultural ‘truths.’ Currently, Galatians 5:16-26 is a daily reflection and a gut-check. Am I bearing fruit? In my thoughts, words, and actions with my husband? With my kids? With my neighbors? Have I crucified the desires of my flesh today? The Fruit of the Spirit is an important reminder to me that these fruits (peace, patience, self-control…) are nothing I can achieve on my own but wholly a result of Christ in me and a gift of the Spirit. While I will never be fully sanctified on this side of heaven, I count every trial and lesson as joy as it brings me closer to my Father now, and an eternity of glorifying His name forever.