Before Jesus Changed My Life
I grew up attending a Presbyterian church, but I never truly understood what it meant to follow God. I didn’t know what it meant to sin, and all I really knew was that God loved you. Which is true, but not the whole truth. In high school, I attended Veritas a couple of times with one of my friends, but I was very lukewarm and wasn't committed to following Jesus. I tried to find validation through relationships and academic success, basing my identity on what others thought of me, and constantly seeking approval by pleasing people
When I was a junior in high school, I got into a relationship. I had always craved the validation and fulfillment I thought a relationship could give me. It felt like I finally had what I had been wanting for so long. It didn’t matter to me that he was an atheist because I wanted to feel loved and experience a relationship so badly. I thought that following the world was more fulfilling than following Jesus. The relationship that I found myself in slowly got very toxic and was not honoring to God. I wanted to end the relationship, but I was afraid of what would happen if I did. The relationship that I so badly craved slowly became something I desperately wanted to get away from, but I felt stuck and trapped, so I continued to change myself to stay in the relationship. Ultimately, I thought I could fix my relationship and my ex-boyfriend, even if that meant turning away from Christianity and not following or listening to God.
How Jesus Changed My Life
In college, I met my best friend Bella, who became the first person I truly opened up to about what was going on in my life. Through her patient listening, honesty, and the testimony of how God had changed her, she pointed me to Christ and helped me see both my self-righteousness and my deep need for Jesus. At the same time, my sister, Caroline—who was part of the Salt Company in college—kept speaking truth to me even when I pushed her away. Whenever she talked to me about Jesus or confronted the brokenness in my relationship, I would get offended and shut her out, but she refused to shrink her faith for my comfort. She prayed for me, never enabled my people-pleasing, and modeled the conviction I desperately needed to see. As I slowly started going to Salt, I often left anxious as I began recognizing how wrongly I was living, yet terrified to change. Then, during a church service in January 2025, the message was about not keeping New Year's resolutions and how people will claim Christianity but only turn to it when it benefits them. This was convicting to me, and I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was living; I had to fully surrender my life to God. Two days after this service, I broke off the relationship that I deeply idolized and felt enslaved to. Even though I was afraid of what would happen and the unknown, I clung to God and the belief that it was He, not me, who changes everything.
My Life After Jesus Saved Me
My life has drastically changed since I gave my life to God. It has not been easy, but Jesus truly saved me and helped me to trust that everything will be okay because of Him. I have found my entire identity in Christ and not in the world. The world can be tempting, but it will leave me empty and unfulfilled. True fulfillment is only found in God.
I have come to realize how important it is not to shrink my faith to make other people comfortable. I thank God for people like my Mom, Caroline, and Bella, who were honest with me about my sin and the harm in destructive relationships. I now realize that relational validation, my grades, and having everyone like me don’t matter. God saved me when I needed it the most. He saw my brokenness and made me new. I have realized you can never save anyone from experiencing brokenness in the world, and the only way people can be saved is through Jesus Christ.
When things get hard, instead of turning to the world, I now turn to God. I don’t have to fear the future because I can’t control it; only God can. The things of the world are temporary, but God is forever. A breakup, friendship, academics, and worldly validation can all be gone in an instant. However, God is forever and is the only constant thing in life. John 3:17-18 says, “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.