Before Jesus Changed My Life
Before Jesus, I was quick to anger, often as a means of control. I felt very insecure and struggled with holding onto resentment towards others. This often led to gossip as a means to justify my feelings. I also resented God because I was prideful and didn’t understand what true Christianity meant. I thought that because I lived a basically moral life, I was good enough, and if I wasn’t, I didn’t really want any part of that because, in my mind, I was doing so much better than so many others were. I idolized material things and my own comfort. I counted on things always being the same and took for granted what I had.
How Jesus Changed My Life
Once I became a mom, God began revealing my pride and desire for control. I wanted so badly to be enough for my kids, but I always felt so lacking. I could see and hear my own flaws being passed down to my kids, and that was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. How was I supposed to help guide them to be better than I am, when this is the best I have? One day, after a really stressful nap time, I was desperately attempting to get both of my kids down for a nap so that I could accomplish some things on my to-do list, I dropped to my knees and asked God to please help me. It was in that moment that God revealed to me that I am not enough, because I was never supposed to be. I am not God, and I needed him to save me. I needed to let go of the burdens of control and perfection and give it to Him. Then 2020 hit, and the fragility of everything we depend on in this world became so evident. From life itself, to relationships, to supply chains - all the comforts I idolized were shaken up, and God showed me that if I live of this world, I will also die of this world. I was then, and still am, being pushed outside my comfort zone as I navigate life and all the uncertainty that comes with it. As we navigate homeschooling our kids, financial stress, broken relationships, and more. Amazingly, God was also moving in my husband at this time, but neither of us had communicated to each other yet what we were feeling. It was so incredible to hear that my husband was also having a calling towards Jesus. God knew this was a path we needed to walk together, and through this, He immediately revealed His Grace to us. The truth of the gospel was revealed to me. God really did send his son to die for my sins and for the sins of whoever believes in him. He defeated death and was resurrected so that we can be reunited with God through eternal life, and he sends the Holy Spirit to dwell within his followers and help guide them for the remainder of their lives on earth. John 3:16 reminds us that this is a free gift being offered to us, we just have to choose to accept it. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.”
My Life After Jesus Saved Me
I now remain certain in God's promise that he is with me, and if I trust in him, I will be rewarded. He set a fire in me to live for more. To teach my kids and help raise them up, knowing that there is more. That nothing can bring you salvation but Jesus. I have so much trust now that even if things go a direction I wasn’t planning on, even when life gets hard, even when I behave in a way towards my kids that I am not even close to being proud of, God is with me, and he will not abandon me. I feel lighter and happier. I am not weighed down with resentment or a desire to control the people around me. I feel encouraged to learn and teach my kids. I apologize and move on when I mess up, and I’m so much quicker to forgive others, because I know that is the very best I can do, God will handle the rest.