This article describes how to live in a way that uniquely demonstrates the gospel. This article expands on the idea first presented in Gospel-Worthy Walking.

You’ve heard the saying, it takes a village to raise a child. And anyone who has or is raising a child would understand how helpful it would be to have more eyes on their kids, and more good voices in their lives. It is an old saying, and it has stood the test of time, because it’s true. Community is helpful in parenting. We need others. Just admitting that is a good start. But with an ever-changing culture and the eroding of traditional values, parents can be understandably concerned about other people’s influence on their kids. What are they being taught in school? What happened at that friend's house? With this, the temptation may be to bunker up, but the answer is not parenting in isolation. The values of the village may have changed, but the community parents need should still exist. And that community should be found in the church. For followers of Christ, it takes a church to raise a child.

Parenting is hard. Should we say that again? Or let’s revise it a bit: Good parenting is hard. It’s actually quite easy to be checked out, to have no rules, and let kids run the house. But to really parent, and discipline, and connect, and teach, and raise up, that’s a high effort, demanding task. One that I would argue, perhaps another time, that it is a task that should not be moved into second place behind our careers. 

Parenting is a high calling that has world-changing implications. But it is indeed a challenging task, and a uniquely hard job in our day and age with the internet and social media, and cultural entertainment, and youth sports, and the illusion of business with more free time than ever in history. But here is what I want parents to know. Church is helpful. I totally believe that parents are the primary disciplers of their kids. Don’t farm out your kids' spiritual development. Don’t think you don’t need to read the Bible with your kids because you send them to Sunday school. Don’t pass on deep conversations because your teenager is also meeting with the youth leader. Parents are the primary disciplers of their kids, but primary does not mean there isn’t a need for secondary.

There is a reason the Bible uses so much family language. And I understand not everyone has had a good family experience, but we all long for it, because we are wired for it. And no matter what your family experience has been, to be a Christian is to be in the family of God. We are a part of the household of God. We are brothers and sisters in Christ. God is our father. For one, it speaks to what Christ has accomplished for us; we have been reconciled to God through the work of the cross. We now have a new standing, one that is in God’s family. But also, it speaks to how we are to treat each other. We have also been reconciled to each other and called to relate to one another like family. However, in our individualistic, autonomous culture, we often miss this or don’t embrace it as we should, like an unwrapped gift at Christmas time.

Proverbs 13:20 tells us, “whoever walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” We can not underestimate the power of who we find community with and the outcome of our own lives. Parents often want community for their kids, but they can unintentionally underestimate the importance of the type of community. It is not enough just to have friends; the type of friends matters. It matters a lot! And as parents, the activities we engage our kids in are hours of investment into relationships. Therefore, being intentional in community is an extremely important part of parenting. That’s why I would encourage you to embrace the saying, It takes a church to raise a child.

You are going to want other adults in your kids' lives who care about their holiness, who want to see them walk closely with Christ. You are going to want peers in their lives that profess Christ, friends that are a part of families that are encouraging the following of Christ. You are not just going to want them to simply have some Christian friends; you are going to want those Christian friendships to be a major part in your kids' lives. And what we need to understand as parents is that we are not going to achieve that for our kids, or ourselves, on the fringes of church involvement. We are not going to contribute to that type of community with spotty attendance, heading right for the car after service, or not being engaged in the youth group, or not serving in the ministries, or not hanging out, connecting with others in the foyer. We are not going to get those relationships when there is a greater relational investment in other places. And when those other places come with other values, it is foolish to think it won’t set a trajectory for our kids’ lives.

Today, it seems like parents want their kids to be very experientially rich, but in doing so, they end up being very relationally poor. We want our kids to try every sport, and dance, and band, and choir, and travel to see different places. We want them to get as many experiences as possible. We want, with good intentions, to give them a broad taste of life to help them find their passions. But, instead of helping them discover their own passions, we should be helping them develop a passion for Christ. Knowing that those who walk with the wise become wise, we should be cultivating their relationships with others who love Christ. And to do that, we might have to sacrifice some experiences. Being highly engaged at church may come at the cost of involvement elsewhere, but being relationally rich among the family of God is better for their development. It is better for their discipleship. It sets a strong trajectory for their own following of Christ.

I encourage parents to see the church as a wonderful gift in parenting. A place for families to build long-term relationships with other Christ-honoring families that will be a strong influence on your kids over time. But for that influence to actualize those relationships need to be invested in, cultivated over years of being in each other's homes, sharing rides to youth group, worshiping together rows apart each Sunday, serving together, playing throughout the church as mom and dad talk to one another long after services are over. And this is by no means a guarantee for how a kid will turn out, but it is wisdom that needs to be intentionally applied by parents who are doing all they can for their child’s development. Just like Proverbs 22:6 tells us, Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. That is not always the case, but it is often the case. It’s wisdom. So don’t let what is not always true, keep you from what is generally true. It takes a church to raise a child.

Parents, whoever your kids spend a lot of time with will shape who they become. Therefore, as controllers of the family calendar, be intentional in investing into the type of relationships that cultivate a love for Christ.