Before Jesus Changed My Life

Before Jesus changed my life, I chased fulfillment and pleasure in many ways. I was raised in a Christian household by great Godly parents, but I was unwise, selfish, and never had a personal relationship with Jesus. I went through many stages in life, none of which had Christ as its center. I had stages of chasing drugs, alcohol, and women for fulfillment. I went through stages of sports, family life, earning a living, and worldly success, thinking that these would “complete me” and make me fulfilled and content. I was very selfish throughout this life, always wanting what I did to benefit me, looking at things through a lens of “me”. I did not live a “horrible life”, I would say I was a Christian because my parents were, and that was the right answer, I would even go to church fairly consistently (for certain periods, other periods not) with my new family. However, I was a very lukewarm Christian at best, I was checking a box because church was the right thing to do. I did not have any passion for Jesus, and I was always hoping or chasing other things to give me peace, contentment, and fulfillment.

I sinned and sinned often in many ways because of that lack of relationship. I never openly talked about Jesus in front of others, and it was not a part of my daily life at all, he did not drive my life, behavior, or thoughts. I thought I was living “the American dream” of some sort, but was lacking. I thought I could control my own destiny through hard work, my own skills, and personality. I felt very self-sufficient and proud. My pride in my successes led me to believe that I could navigate life on my own. Nothing was horrible in my life, but at the same time, nothing was great and fulfilling. My happiness depended on what was always happening around me, rather than contentment and joy. I was somewhat gliding on an easy street path with no real need for Christ. I was drifting further away from God instead of closer to him.

One day, I faced a marriage and family situation that changed my life forever. For once, I felt I had zero control. My own power or abilities could not fix my problems. I tried to fix things on my own, tried to “handle my own problems”. I was humbled in many ways. Things just got worse, not better. My family was in a very broken place, with the devil actively working and winning in many ways, my children were experiencing painful things throughout as well. I somehow knew the only way I could combat this was by seeking God and wisdom in God. I turned to God. I am grateful for the upbringing my parents gave me, which instilled in me at least the knowledge that turning to God rather than relying on my own wisdom and ability was necessary.

How Jesus Changed My Life

The Lord gave me a problem I could not fix on my own. One of my favorite sayings is, “God cares more about your character than your comfort.” My biggest sin was pride, and I needed to be humbled. Every big decision in life, I have always turned to God, prayed, etc – but ONLY at times of high conflict or big decisions, not for my daily life. I only turned to God when it was so big that I needed him, but 99 other times, I handled things on my own. I did the same thing 1 out of 100 times.

I walked into Veritas one day when the devil was winning in our home, barely even knowing the building or what I was doing there. It was like a random Tuesday at 2pm or something. I knew I needed to seek God and his wisdom. I had a pull inside to do that and go to Veritas. I just wanted to sit in silence alone in the church and pray, hoping God would give me clarity in my decisions. Rather than God let me be alone in a big room, there was band practice going on at that time, so I did not go into the auditorium. I went upstairs and sat on a couch alone. I was not seeking anyone, but they found me. I spoke with and prayed with Michael and Cuyler that day. They advised me to see Gospel Shepherding with Matthew. I took that step. I began seeing Matthew weekly as well as bringing my kids to Church weekly at Veritas. God softened my heart to FINALLY hear his message and his Word.

I was raised by Christian parents in church, knew every bible story there was, went to a Christian school until 6th grade, but I had a hard heart the whole time that was not open to the Lord. Veritas did not save my life, I know that. But God put me in a situation and place that allowed Christ followers at Veritas to be a part of softening my heart, opening my eyes, and guiding me. For once, I slowly began to grow in Christ, my soft heart, which I was given, allowed the Holy Spirit to enter, and it only took me 39 years to get there! I realized my need for him and my desire to know him better. I was separated from God, through sin.  Both my sin and the sin of others.

This life will never be perfect, because we are all sinners. We cannot solve this problem on our own. The good news is that God sent his only son, Jesus, to live a perfect life and die on the cross for us and our sins. The perfect sacrifice. His sacrifice, when we believe and put our faith in him, covers our sins and our debts owed so that we can be reunited with God, both on this earth and in eternity in heaven. In John 14:6, the Bible says, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”  Through Jesus, we are reunited with God, our creator, as we were meant to be. Jesus not only took our debt and burden, but he also set an example for us of what a perfect person on earth looks like, an example of how to act and live to please God, and ultimately a road map to a life. I realized the broken and sinful world we live in, me included, needs Jesus Christ as our savior.

My personal life and family life were a mess, but I felt peace and comfort in Christ. At a time of the most significant stress or problem I had ever faced, I found joy in knowing that Jesus was in complete control. If I followed him, put my faith and trust in him, I knew I was on the right path. I took comfort in growing closer to God, putting more and more of my faith and trust in him. In Matthew 7:24-25, God says: “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock”. I sought a future with God as my rock and the center of my life in all areas.

My Life After Jesus Saved Me

My life has undergone a complete transformation since Jesus saved me and the Holy Spirit entered my heart. I know I am a sinner and am grateful daily for the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross to save me. The more I learn about God, his love, and draw closer to him, the more I want to serve him and live in a way that honors him. I no longer rely on worldly things for my happiness, which never lasts, I am joyful in all circumstances, and it shows to those around me. Jesus gives us such a good example to model our lives after. While I will always fall short of the glory of God as a sinner, the fruits of the spirit are ripening in me, and I can see myself slowly develop into a version of Nate that desires to follow and model Christ. I am less selfish, more patient, and have finally found fulfillment in Christ. I see the world differently through the eyes of a Christ Follower now, not afraid to stand out and be different, putting Christ first above all else (even though I fail and fall short often).

I know that God is sovereign and in complete control, which brings peace in life. I do not expect everything to be perfect in this life, this world is full of sin, but this is not our home. I take comfort in that. It allows things not to bother me, it is all noise around me, that does not deserve my focus or attention. God is the prize, so it makes all other things small. I can feel the Holy Spirit in my heart, I have been moved, it is a feeling that I do not always have, but when I feel the Holy Spirit present and in me it is amazing. I most often feel the Holy Spirit during Baptism Sunday. Which is one way I know he is speaking to me and guiding me towards obedience in Baptism. I want to be a light to those around me and shine in a way that it brings God glory, to both believers and non-believers alike. I seek conversations with others about Jesus. I seek opportunities to spread the gospel, to pray with and for others, and to not be ashamed of speaking of my faith.

The old Nate would never have taken joy in seeking opportunities to talk about God with others. Now there is no better feeling. God's power in me has allowed me to be a better father, a better co-worker, a better son, a better brother, a better coach, etc. All because Jesus’ light is shining in me and through me. I disappoint myself and him often, but I seek his forgiveness and prayer to help me change as my response. I am so grateful that I have been given a new heart, that my old self is gone, and my new self in Christ is here to live out this life on earth in a way that honors him until we spend eternity together in heaven.